SHOP AT ASDA
September 1997 Issue 29DRUGS SCANDAL HITS THE STROLLERS
Controversy surrounds the disqualification of Sunderland Stroller David Warnaby from the
St.Peters 10k race on 31st August. Following his unexpected win over championship leaders
Watts and Dixon, a random drug test was ordered for Dublin Marathon hopeful Warnaby. He
refused to provide a urine sample claiming "I can't p*** in that jam jar 'till I've had at least six
pints". His offer of a wind sample was not considered acceptable as the testing equipment is very
expensive and probably wouldn't survive the test.
Police later raided the home of Warnaby and found large amounts of drugs including bottles of
Seven Seas cod liver oil and cartons of Sanatogen vitamin pills. During interrogation Warnaby
denied supplying but did admit to taking these drugs and claimed that they were not illegal as
they are specifically made for auld buggers like him.
In order to prevent the BAF from barring him from competing in Dublin, Warnaby has retained
the services of high profile lawyer John Cosgrove who has written a nasty letter to the BAF
threatening another million pound law suit.
Cosgroves appointment follows his success in the recent "case of the cat in the microwave", the
rights of which have been bought by Warner Brothers for a new Perry Mason series. In this case
Cosgrove skilfully allowed his client to lose the original case but put sufficient doubt in the mind
of the magistrate to allow an appeal which subsequently was successful, bringing in legal fees 3
times greater than if the case had been won in the first place.
BIG IAN IS CHEESED OFF
Now I’ve heard some excuses in my time for not performing well or indeed not turning up in the first place. Up until Sunday my favoiurite excuse was from an unemployed, debt ridden squash partner of mine who I rarely beat. However, on the day that I did beat him he said that his game had been put off because he had received a gas bill that same morning ! Ian Maxwell has managed to beat that one quite easily as he struggled to find a good reason for not doing the Great North Run - and its not the old knee problem excuse either - for Ian was injured by a CHEESE SANDWICH on the Saturday and it wasn’t thrown at him by Sandra either. Apparently he did his back in when trying to cut it in two! Now even I know that Ian can hurl external doors around his shop whilst eating his bate at the same time - so come off it Ian was Sandra trying to poison you ?SHOP AT ASDA
Well done Woody for getting a job at Asda .......... best of luck .... hope the check out lasses are not like dogs !!HUNKY ERNIE JOHNSON
Yes, hunky Ernie Johnson the man that every Stroller with half a brain wants to model himself
on will turn 56 this month.
Pictured by our sleuth photographer, Rob Allington Ernie is seen here leaving a well known
brothel house in the centre of Paris.
Torn between wearing his more sedate pyjama bottoms or his reveal all G string Ernie, decided
on this occasion to go gently with the poor French tart and keep most of himself covered up.
Anyway Ernie’s torso is something that should be seen in gradual stages and not gorged all at
once (or so Anne Johnson says).
So popular is Ernie that he now has a fan club and is very close to signing a lucrative deal for
a series of kiss and tell books called:-
‘My nights with the Strollettes’ and ‘Love over the Vending Machine’.
A series of keep fit videos are also being planned. Inside sources close to Ernie say that these
have been entitled:-
‘Lose pounds by drinking Stones’ and ‘ How to keep fit and not injure yourself when wearing a G
string’.
Best of luck Ernie with your new commercial adventure
THE THINGS YOU SAY AT THE STROLLERS
Tony Howe apart there has been quite a severe shortage of daft comments that would be worthy of entry in the ‘Quote of the Month’ column. Being injured and not racing accounts for the main reason for missing the comments ........... so I thought for a change I might study and print the ordinary things you say on a regular basis to see if I could raise a few smiles . So here we go this is what a recent survey says are the most common phases that Strollers make.1.”Wheres Tony gone ” - Phil Watson
2.”Oh Bob, not the Saltgrass Bank session again”
3.”Rodger will you stop singing Under the f...king Boardwalk”
4.”Wheres Tony gone now” - Phil again
5.”Who’s farted”
6.”TIME” ...... “Thank God for that - has Bob’s watch broken”
7.”Wheres Tony f...king gone now ..... or sod him” - Phil yet again
8.”The bar staff are slow tonight”
9.”I’m bloody knackered, I’m not doing the session tonight” - any of the Strollettes
10.”Theres no p.b’s for the Blaydon race” - Woody
11.”When I get fitter .............. “
12.”When I lose a few pounds I’ll run much faster”
13.”Shit, look at all the body hair on Dicka’s back”
14.”Look at the size of John Wilson’s sandwich”
15”No, I’m not doing any more Cross Country” -Steve Hobday
16.”Alright who has dropped one”
17.”Quick, stop Dicka getting there first .... the Sqash lads have left some buffet”
18.”Come on get your money out” - either Dave Dixon or Mickey Crozier
19.”Oh we’re going throught Dawn’s back passage again” - all the lads running on a Sunday morning
20.”Look at the size of his lunchbox” - the Stollettes
21.Derek running with Dawn “......(silence).....”
IN NEXT MONTH’S NEWSLETTER
1.Ten ways of farting less - article sponsered by all club members except Chirpy2.Another Stroller hunk is revealed
3.Sheila tells us what its like running down under in Australia - I thought she went over there for the sex !!
Remember to order your copy
TOP MARKS FOR CROP TOPS
I’m no fashion guru but it seems to me (and I’m sure all the other Strollers wil agree that the new Strollette crop tops are really swell (is that the right word). I mean there is absolutely no chance now of being able to separate Derek from Dawn if she is going to wear one of those every time. A few things spring (is that the correct word also) to mind though like :-1. shouldn’t we be making these crop tops compulsory to all Strollettes?
2.whats the biggest size Mickey can get his hands on (is that the right phase)?
3.if they are called ‘crop tops’ then why is it that the top isn’t cropped when clearly it is the bottom half is the cropped bit? I mean play the game girls shouldn’t it be your belly buttons that require covering up!
Anyway I don’t suppose my enthusiasm for crop tops will last very long if we get some new member along like Hattie Jaques !!!!
HAPPY STROLLER BIRTHDAYS
Ernie Johnson - 25th September - 56 years oldIan Maxwell - 15th September - 41 years old
Graham Young - 15th September - 48 years old
Ev Colgin - 1st September - 44 years old
MANY HAPPY RETURNS TO YOU ALL FROM ALL THE STROLLERS
Run back home