WOODY'S BELLY
August 1997 Issue 28WOODY ATTEMPTS TRANSFER SWOOP!
With the transfer deadline looming large over the horizon Cross Country captain John ‘Woody’ Woodward has made a bold attempt to try and attract better runners from other clubs to join the cross country squad in time for the clubs inaugural season in the 1st Division.And Woody hasn’t been attempting to buy out the contracts of any old Tom, Dick or Harry ... no siree ... for Woody’s first plunge into the transfer market was for an elite Sunderland Harrier runner .... a certain Brian Rushworth who rumour has it can out run Jackie Pitt’s Mini Metro!!!
Negotiations between Woody and Kevin Carr have been pretty tense over the past few months but Woody backed financially by Treasurer Steve Hobday who has been laundering money out of club members for years had plenty of clout and was prepared to break the current wage structure at Strollers by offering Rushworth two free raffle tickets every Wednesday night!!!
A single fee for Rushworth wasn’t enough to tempt Kevin Carr so Woody played his ace card and offered a fee plus a runner exchange for Rushworth. Woody offered Les Copeland in with his original fee offer and the deal was settled subject to a medical and contracts being signed.
Disaster struck Woody however, when Rushworth pulled out leaving the deal in tatters. Insiders close to Rushworth have exclusively informed the Newsletter that Kevin Carr threatened never to write about him again in the Sunderland Echo if he joined the Strollers and so Brian pulled out of the lucrative deal. Anyway, it was not all bad news for the fledgling Stroller club as Les Copeland took advantage of the recently introduced Bosman ruling and being out of contract with the club decided to move south to the Sunderland Harriers.
Now then, the Harriers thought that they were getting a good deal out of this arrangement because as far as they could see they were acquiring a rather athletic young man who claimed he could run a measured mile in under 4 mins 15 secs and furthermore didn’t have the usual Stroller trademark - a beer gut! Yes, the Harriers have truely been taken in by Les’s appearance - can you remember the days he used to turn up on club nights wearing his authentic GREAT BRITAIN tracksuit top?
Anyway, like anyone leaving the Strollers I will miss his habits and mannerisms like being able to talk a good race, deducting 5 minutes off his real Redcar Half Marathon time and his general cock - sure attitude. Best of luck Les!!!
AUGUST’S HAPPY BIRTHDAYS
Steve Wills - 16th August - 49 yearsBob Blair - 5th August - 43 years
Steve McKenna 13th August 49 yrs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL ESPECIALLY TO BOB WHO DOESN’T LOOK A DAY OVER 49!!
CALLING ALL STROLETTES
- your free Stroller pin up on page 2 of this month’s issue!Yes, by popular demand by the Strollettes the Newsletter is pleased to bring you our very own Page 2 pin - up Stroller to adorn your bedroom.
The series of photographs commences this month with one of our more established veterans who is stripped half naked.
No expense has been spared to buy these pictures from the world’s leading paparazzi (is that the correct spelling) who have used telephoto lenses to catch our Strollers off guard.
Save this unique collection of Strollers over the next coming months at no further cost!!!
Eat your heart out The Daily Express and The Sun
MESSAGE TO SHEILA
Hope you had a lovely time in Australia - it’s nice to see you back down (under) at the club chattering with the other Strollettes!Did you pop next door and visit Paul Thomas at New Zealand?
QUOTES OF THE MONTH
1.Dave ‘Chirpy’ Warnaby with:-Les Copeland runs as if he is carrying five rolls of wallpaper under each arm
2.Ron Wills (Sunderland Harriers) speaking to Geoff Prior at work last week:-
Who is that fucking Les person your club has pawned off on us lot - I've already been conned into offering him a lift to Darlington last week
THE ANATOMY OF ALLEN ROUTLEDGE!
ALLEN ROUTLEDGE :-Born 5th June 1950
Joined Sunderland Strollers in April 1992
Occupation - Taxi Driver for Lakeside Taxis
Is pictured here throwing his sweat ladened T Shirt to his adoring fans at the end of the London Marathon. But, what does actually make this finely tuned athlete tick? Read the pointers to the side of your free pin - up picture to adorn your bedroom wall and you could have a physique like his if you practise hard enough !
Reversed cap - copied by so many leading runners like Rushworth for instance !
A very intelligent brain without alas a sense of direction
His Jason King looks and flowing curls are a real turn on to his many followers
Extended jowells to suck in that much needed oxygen when approaching the finishing line for that all important dip of the chest
Hairy chest (out of view) helps stop his large gold medallion and chain swinging around his torso when churning out sub 4 minute miles
Conically shaped stomach specially fed on Vaux Double Maxim pierces the air and reduces drag
Ample Love Handles help his aerodynamics akin to a cars rear spoiler i.e. aids traction when cornering
Tight running shorts that show off his bulging lunchbox
Strapping legs that go pink in the summer sun, putting off all the competition in races
A good pair of slappers thighs and well worn London Marathon type knees
Well balanced legs specially designed to wear out car brake pads within 8,000 miles and clutches within 6,000
Special Nike running shoes complete with compass in the shoe to stop him getting lost in races (unlike when he is in his taxi) and foot /paw prints of wildlife common to the Britsh countyside on the sole to use for his Eye Spy books when competing in cross country races
Secret weapon - his right foot - only used if you fail to pay for your taxi fare
IT’S MY ROUND AND NOT ROUNDERS AT THE COASTAL RUN
The boozers had their own way after the Coastal Run race finish and pissed off straight to of all places the Working Mans club few several cheap pints of beer. For the first time in my memory our traditional game of Rounders was not played - much to the dismay of Sandra and Ian’s boy Callum who had to be restrained from sticking one on the likes of Bob, Chirpy, Gerry and Woody the main culprits. Now this not only mucked around with my annual sports report on the rounders match but deprived young Callum of showing us a thing or two. Now, if this lame excuse of cheap drink is to be used again I am proposing to raise this issue at the next A.G.M. get rounders on again!!
ANOTHER STROLLIMERICK
Paul Thomas left home with this vow"I’ll be always remembered somehow",
So a cup you can win,
If you're last Stroller in,
It’s inscribed "Who’s the fat bastard now?"
John Wilson of Whitburn.
Run back home