KNACKERED KNEEJULY 1997 Issue 27 |
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DICKA GOES TO SOTHERBYS TO AUCTION HIS WEARS !!What is the connection between Lady Diana and our very own Dicka - well read on and I will reveal all !!! For Dicka who is never one to miss an opportunity to make a few bob or two has decided to sell his clothes. Encouraged by the overwhelming response by the public when Lady Diana auctioned her ballroom frocks raising thousands of pounds for charity Dicka, desperate for money for race entry fees so he can keep up with Peter Watts in the Club Championship has decided to follow suit (although he hasn't actually got a suit). The auction in conjunction with Sotherbys is to take place next month at the Oxfam shop in Stockton Road who are expected to be one of the main bidders for Dicka's famous, much sought after clothing. There will be no need to buy a programme listing the items for sale for I give you a sneak preview of what Dicka intends to auction - I can assure you there are some mouth watering items that will interest you ;-Lot No 1 - An authentic pair of Dicka's famous 'Race Trousers' used during the winter of 1995 and the summer of 1996. Only used for 3,000 miles with slight wearing around the crutch part. Personally signed by Dicka himself .............. £500 reserve price. Lot No 2 - one of Dicka's famous stick on hairy chests to woo the lasses with when his original hairy chests is away at the dry cleaners .............................cheap at half the price ..........£130. Lot No 3 - Dicka's pair of running shoes when he first turned up for Strollers on a Wednesday night. These shoes are not recommended for running in ( indeed nor were they when Dicka wore them ). Devoid of any modern day running shoe features such as cushioning, heel counters, arch inserts or anti - pronation devices these shoes are definitely a collectors item. Please note if you are intending in purchasing this item there will be strong interest from Beamish Museum. ...................................................................£430. Lot No 4 - For those of you who prefer more grizzly souvenirs of Dicka's running career then how about a pair of his off white under-kegs. Bought originally at the closing down sale at Blacketts these under garments have served Dicka through both Primary and Secondary school. Alas the excessive amount of running over the last two years has mean't that they have had to be retired. Like the Yorvik ride at York the underpants come complete with authentic smells ;- hence the price of ................................. £660 Remember if you are interested in any of these items or indeed more not mentioned above turn up at the auction early to avoid disappointment. |
MEDICAL TERMSI suppose most of you know that I had to visit hospital recently to see why I couldn't put any pressure on my right knee ( a minor point for most G.P's). Now it's been a long time since I last went to the Accident Hospital so I was surprised to be given a sheet explaining some basic medical terms incase I got confused. So rather than keeping this new found knowledge to myself I thought I would copy the medical terms out for you and there relevant meaning. Here we go then ;-BACTERIA - the back door of a cafeteria. CATSCAN - searching for kitty. COLIC - a sheepdog D and C - where Washington is DILATE - to live longer ENEMA - not a friend FESTER - quicker GENITAL - not a Jew TUMOUR - an extra two URINE - opposite to you're out VARICOSE - nearby VEIN - conceited MORBID - a higher offer NITRATES - dearer than day rates NODE - was aware of ARTERY - the study of paintings GRAFFITINoticed scawled on a toilet door "Oral sex is a matter of taste" |
NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A MARTHONThose of you who have done the London Marathon and gone down on the coach with Vin Tindle (bless his little false teeth ) know that the best part of the weekend is the piss up on the Friday night before the run. Now I know as well as you lot that after enduring some 4 months of cold winter morning training having 10 pints of London's worst brew is not the most ideal preparation. Well, Phil Watson has provided me with the answer ....... if you shouldn't drink alcohol before the race then how about during the race ....... and it's free as well. As usual all the best ideas come from outside the country and this is no exception as this rather splendid idea come from the heart of France :the Medoc wine region to be precise. This race has the Strollers written all over it as it consists of running a marathon around the Bordeaux vineyards (nice enough to enter as it is you may think) with the usual drink stations. The main difference is that they serve up the option of having local red wine as a thirst quencher. I mean to say, I can picture Paul Thomas who loves a bottle or three of red wine coming back from New Zealand just to enter in the race especially when he finds out the first prize ......... for the first geezer who crosses the line is instantly dumped into a weighing device so they can award him/her with their own weight of local top notch wine. Just imagine Paul 'fat boy' Thomas would be quids in and would probably be awarded at least ten barrel loads; on the other hand I suppose John Wilson would be on a bit of a loser I think !! Anyway the race is held in September - usually 8,000 entrants take part and fancy dress is encouraged to add to the carnival atmosphere. As the article says - "the longest marathon in the world or a glorified pub crawl? One team from the south of France crossed the line after more than 7 hours ...... singing their heads off ! ( equates to 16 min miles)LINDA AND DICKA'S KNICKERSYou may recall from last month Newsletter the revelation about Lindas interest in what Dicka wears under his trousers. Well, the saga continues as for your amusement Dicka has provided me with a SPOT THE DIFFERENCE cartoon - the winner gets a free pair of Dick's(whoops typing error) - Dicka's knickers !!! Note: the cartoon which appeared here on the original newsletter has been barred from further publication by the High Court following an injunction taken out by Linda... |
JULY'S HAPPY BIRTHDAYSRichie Sampson - 22nd July - 64 years youngKen Tweddy - 2nd July - 46 years old Dave 'Chirpy' Warnaby - 25th July - 47 years old Dave Dixon - 16th July - 44 years old Rodger Garrington - 22nd July - 47 years old
WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESPECIALLY TO RICHIE WHO ENTERS HIS 65th YEAR !!! QUOTE OF THE MONTHThis weeks quote of the month goes to Phil Watson who said in a very matter of fact way in the middle of last Wednesday night ... 'Oh by the way did I tell you I'm engaged' Congratulations Phil Ive always thought that you and Woody would make a lovely couple !! WELL DONE KIM TOO - GEOFF |
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