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This first quote is from the Coast to coast run...

Chirpy: "I never went to sleep on that bus."

Dicka: "My left foot didn't feel right."

Chirpy: "Changing the subject completely, but it's about the same thing."

Vince: "I can't run half marathons but I could run 10k's all night."

Chirpy: "I can't talk about two twice at once".

Geoff: "It was like a fairy sail tory."

Chirpy: "That was the year me and you were in front of us, and me and Geoff were behind."

Gerry: "I can remember things if they stick in my mind."

Chirpy: "Bob's early, he hasn't arrived yet."

Geoff: "Don't sit near the radiator or you'll get all sweat and hotty."

Chirpy: on March 7th."It's only the 4th. today 'cos it's February."

Sandra Maxwell: (while running the Paris to Versaille 14 mile)"It's so hot this is just like running abroad."

Chirpy: "There's a descent coming up."

Lesley: "This is the first time I've been poorly this year." -Jan 1st 1997

Chirpy: "Five sixes is thirty five, that's three and a half minutes."

Geoff: "There were 3 of us in a line running two abreast."

Chirpy: "Did you find out where the Benidorm half marathon is?"

Geoff: "Yes, you did see what you saw."

Chirpy: "I can't stand sitting here."

Malcolm: "Scotland lost to the equaliser."

Michele: "I'm all quai and shy-et"

Dave Dixon: "The finish is about 500 yards from the finish."

Chirpy: "It's nowhere near 2 months, it's only 8 weeks."

Phil Watson: "We always draw 2-1."

Chirpy: "We were just talking about that shirt, only it's the other one we were talking about."

Julie: "The beginning of October? That's the first, isn't it?"

Chirpy: "I don't know what I said, but I didn't say it."

Ken: "What day is the Boxing Day dip?"

Keith: "Luxembourg is the flatest half marathon I've done, it was all downhill."

Malcolm: "I wasn't lost 'cos I knew I was going the wrong way."

Jacky: "I've got a fortnights holiday for blackberry week."

Chirpy: "The team consists of 3 people and a woman."

Geoff: "People being people, they're just like sheep."

Chirpy: "We get Channel 5 great, even on the telly."

Bob: "Sheila's the man for the job."

Chirpy: "I haven't worn mine yet because it's got spaghetti stains on it."

Chirpy: "If you drink vodka you'll go dolittle."

Allen Routledge: "I want that yellow sweat shirt the same but blue."

Chirpy: "All these runs are on a Tuesday but the last one is on a Wednesday."

Sandra Maxwell: "The car is parked outside somewhere."

Chirpy: "The winner didn't even break wind."

Woody: "If you want to know how fast you can run a marathon, take your 10k time and apply Wilson's Faeces."

Graeme: "It's 80 minutes past 9."

Dave Clear: "Me mam? I've known her ever since she was a kid."

John Wilson: "Bob's a four letter word."

Geoff: "It was a very dark black."

Woody: "The rain put a damper on it."

Geoff: "Raggons wole!"

Geoff (calling bingo): "one and twelve, two."

Chirpy: "I'm going to get a full house before I get a line at this rate."

Chirpy: "Has anyone got any squashed eggs?"

Paul Thomas: "That's what I like to hear, blood."

Geoff: "Even the flat bits weren't flat."

Bob: "No, we lose an hours sleep when the clocks go back."

Geoff: "Ian Maxwell was dalking his wog."

Bob: "Why are they shouting 'Peterlee's red and white army?'."

Chirpy: "Alan Watson's not deaf, he shouted at me this morning."

Geoff: "The handicap course is like a letter 8."

Bob: "You only realise you're tired when your muscles conk in."

Phil Watson: "Did you see that interview on the radio?"

Dave Clear: "I've been out with the ramblers on a Saturday and a Sunday but never on a weekend."

Mickey Crozier: "Shut up, here's a cancellation prize."

Linda: "My hair's not as wet as when I wash it."

Linda: "I did the same as Shiela but she beat me."

Chirpy: "I've got those yellow bibs in all the colours."

Chirpy: "Wimbledon have equalised? So it's nil-nil now?"

Woody (about a 6.9k race): "Three of them fell with 7k to go."

Woody: "Claire, what's your name?"

Ernie: "Don't get me another Dougal Christmas cake for my birthday."

Lesley: "How long is the London weekend?"

Lesley: "He can have the cracket back, it's too tall for me."

Bob: "I know how to order 2 beers in Yugoslavian, it's '2 beers please'."

Bob: "Steve Hobday's a great roommate, as soon as he wants to do something, you do it."

Keith: "We were touring Scotlands distilleries and sampling the wines."

Claire: "April 21st? Is that Christmas?."

Lesley: "9: 52 pm? Is that morning or afternoon?"

Mickey: "It's the first time I've ran on a Friday for a week."

Linda (playing basketball): "Dicka always gets it off me."

Bob: "Even when it's really wet, it's dry."

Chirpy: "Bob, when you have a minute I want to talk sex..I mean sense."

Chairman Phil: "I nearly died once, it nearly killed me."

Woody: "Those of you not selected will be selected."

Linda: "What day is Easter?"

Julie: "He's just outside but I don't know where he is."

Chirpy: "I'll definitely be there at 12 O'clock but if I'm not.. ."

Chirpy: "Are we going to start from a different direction."

Wilson: "I'll have a pint of Thornton's please."

Chirpy: "It would have been better if the start had been in the middle."

Sandra Maxwell: "What position did I come in?"

Woody (at the start of the race): "Are those today's results?"

Derek Dixon: "Ask him for his name and address and where he lives."

Derek Dixon: "If you see anything lying around, pick it up. It'll come in handy even if you never use it."

Chirpy: "I've never seen it and I don't like it but I watched it."

Dave Clear: "I prefer standing in the Clock Stand seats."

Lesley: "He walked into the showers starkers, with stupid undies on."

Phil Watson: "I'm going to presentate him with it."

Geoff: "There'll be blue bells over, the white cliffs of Dover."

Jacquie Pitt: "I don't like gel, it makes your hair all spicey."

Geoff: "Meet at the Barnes front entrance, that's the one on the outside."

Chirpy: "If I had two hands I'd make a sandwich."

Edith Turnbull: "Them French Francs are foreign to me."

Phil Watson: "He speeded down and then slowed up."

Dawn: "Do I know where I am yet?"

Paul Thomas: "I think the 14 mile run is the same as the 12 mile run."

Paul Thomas (about a tri-athlon): "The run and the swim were a bit hilly."

Kim: "I'm going to dry my hair before it gets too dry."

Dawn: "I'm taking it easy, I've got a groin string."

Lesley: "You've got 7 brothers! Are they all boys?"

Lesley (phoning phil at home): "Phil, where are you?"

Alan Tait: "I've never ran a 10 mile before, except one."

Chirpy: "Are you going to walk home so I can sit on your knee?"

Chirpy (on Wednesday night): "I had Monday off and since then I've worked 72.5 hours."

Chirpy: "Why can't Jacquies wife put the washing in?"

Julie: "She's at work but she's at home now."

Dawn: "I left my knickers in the back of Derek's car. I hope his wife doesn't find them 'cos they're full of holes."

Lesley: "Is Freda a tom cat?"

Lesley: "What's the name of that author? She writes books."

Lesley: "I don't know her name but she's a woman."

Kim: "Why are they having a wake? Has somebody died?"

Kim: "I couldn't save wallpaper to hang my life."

Lesley: "That hair transplant has gone to his head."

Mickey: "I've got 3 cars now and four of them are out tomorrow."

Les Copeland: "I prefer 10 mile half marathons."

Dave Dixon (certified course measurer): "You'll be at the 8 mile mark, that's about 7 mile from the start."

Jacquie Pitt: "What date is new years day?"

Chirpy: "I couldn't chase myself today."

Jacquie Pitt (to Shiela Alcock): "Shiela, who's this Shiela Alcock woman?"

Alyson Dixon: "If you get lost, follow the car behind."

Adrian: "There were highlights on Sky before the game."

Eddie: "It wasn't until decimalisation that beer went up to two shillings a pint."

Sandra Maxwell: "I can eat a whole cauliflower."

John Wilson: "99p or a pound doesn't make a ha'p'orth of difference."

Ken: "Go under the bridge that isn't there anymore."

Ken: "Thai food is supposed to be the best of all the French."

Chirpy: "The Chester-le-Street run is in Durham."

Woody: "They're all the same but they're different."

John Wilson: "That fella did a fell race, 39 mile with 9000 odd mile of ascent."

Ken: "At this rate we'll be finished before we get three quarters of the way."

Phil Watson: "The closing date has closed."

Chirpy: "If I mentioned his name you'd know who I meant"

Malcolm: "It's supposed to be under 3 mile, but it's a bit less than that."

Dicka: "I saw him on Wednesday but he wasn't there."

Wilson: "Round the corner is only just up the road."

Julie: "You 2 look like triplets."

Phil Watson: "Manchester is a road race on grass."

Leslie: "We should start with the second bottom one and if that's OK then we can do the full bottom next year."

Stuart: "Teams of 2? How many are in a team?"

Steve Ramsden: "She must have led right from the finish."

Derek Dixon: "Once you get to the top it's down all the way."

Chirpy: "I'm going to say something daft."

Woody: "Do you know whatisname? What is his name?."

Uncle Richie: "My watch is dead right, except for being an hour out."

Phil Watson: "After a run you've got to sit in an ice bath for as long as you can stand."

Woody: "Are you passing urine when you pee?"

Michelle (about Uncle Geoff): "that picture is funny, he looks like a real runner"

Michael Rumi (about trying to sign up a new Stroller): "She is very nice, I try to get her in the club."

Angelo (to Sandra): "I don't mean to be personal, but where do you like to be touched?"

Chirpy: "I got woke up when I was asleep."

Chirpy: "There's been nothing wrong but the bus broke down."

Malcolm: "I can't run any faster in them slower distances."

Debs: "He has one of those hats that you wear on your head."

Debs (about difficulty working after breaking her arm): "I never realised how much I used my body to earn my living."

Debs: "So who sells free computers?"

Debs: "He told me to do 'left, right, left, right' but I got confused."

Vicki: "You work here, you're not here to be at work."

Vicki: "My mam's never had it off before."

Sandra: "The Nike shoe man said I overprocrastinate."

Chirpy: "There's 3 sizes to choose from, small, medium and little."

Woody: "Is that April 31st?"

Chirpy: "Sunderland had two or good three chances."

Derek: "The 2 main scorers never scored."

Debs (28 Feb 2004): "But this is the 20th century."

Vicki (about entering a quiz): "It would have to be teams."

Vicki (the teacher): "Is there one 'F' or two in fifteen?"

Vicki (on the 'phone): "Is me dad there, either one will do."

John Mendez: "Did you slam the door shut on your tent?"

Dave Dixon (about a hungry Paul Taylor): "He eats like a lotus."

Ken Maynard: "What day is it next Wednesday?"

Anne Kirk: "Men are notorious for getting stiff."

Chirpy: "I told him where the finish was, it's at the end."

Chirpy: "It's black flavoured orange."

John Wilson: "We could offer a free photograph for a pound a head."

Malcolm: "It's quite flat, there's about six hills."

Tracy (to Dicka): "When I find out where you live I'm going to come round and knock you up."

Tracy: "How will I know when I've been entered?"

Tracy: "Lots of men have got pink ones."

Dicka: "Mickey says he's starting the Monday night sessions next Wednesday."

Deborah: "Dicka, your little man was great!"

Ken: "Everyone brings one of some thing, like four pies."

Noel: "Definitely put me down as a possible."

Brian: "When it comes to hygiene, I'm anal."

Brian: "I've set up a netless wirework..I mean a wireless network."

Derek Dixon: "I was late on Monday night so I came through the underpants."

Tracy T: "I do wear clothes when I go out partying."

Laura: "Stay awake for a bit until she notices you're asleep."

Jill (putting her coat on upside down): "I'm not drunk!"

Brian: "When they came to crossing the stream the women were like a bunch of fannies."

Woody (paying race entry fees): "There's no charge for age groups, you just pay for the sex."

Heather: "I took it off because people were saying 'you've still got your clothes on'."

Laura: "It starts with a P and ends in a mouth."

Kevin O'Neill: "I started my stop instead of my start."

Laura: "I don't know the way but I know the route."

Chirpy: "I've been under ten miles 2 or 3 times in the Great North Run."

Chirpy: "It's a lot better than it is."

Mario: "When you get to the end you're more or less half way."

Anne Kirk (after 2 days navigation practice in The Lakes): "When we came to the end of that lakey bit.."

Jill: "He was 400 metres in front, I could see him miles ahead."

Chirpy: "I just took my trousers off and it fell out."

Jon: "If we'd been lost but we knew where we were then we'd have been OK."

Chirpy: "If it was me coming passed you in the last 200 I'd have come passed you."

Lindsay: "I don't want to be quoted."

Fiona: "It must be really hard being fast and having to keep up with the slow runners."

Tracy: "The mouse thing was like a banana with a ball on it, but I got it in the end."

Heather: "I'll tell her about my jugs."

Fiona (the teacher): "I'm more of an oral languager person."

Vicky: "They start at school when they're 3 but the lowest class is for four year olds."

Debs: "Boys need to keep it short."

Bob: "I'm here for the drink, not for the beer.

Woody: "I don't enter women."

Angelo: "There's nothing at all wrong with it, the only thing wrong is .. ."

Alison: "I'll go anywhere as long as I'm flying with someone."

Dave Dixon: "I've been to Italy, just over the border, that part of Switzewrland."

Gillian: "I finished just behind the person in front of me."

Bob: "Things dry better when they're wet.

Heather: "I feel like I've been kicked by a horse in the cow."

Vicki (the Harrier): "I've never been right since I joined the Strollers."

Debs: "I'm slowly getting a bit faster."

Debs: "Sticking it down your top is not a good idea."

Jill W (explaining why she doesn't often visit her mother): "My mam visits me more often because she lives closer."

Debs: "You have to have bare feet on to do it."

Chirpy: "It's like a forward roll in reverse."

Chirpy: "Do you want them doing now or straight away?"

Woody: "This weather you never get one day the same."

Michelle Holt: "This was brand new when it came out but it isn't anymore."

Chirpy: "I've only been to Germany once, we went to Luxembourg"

Woody: "I know it sounds tough but once you get to the top of Penshaw Monument it's all downhill."

Alison: "I got my front leg massaged."

Alison: "We do a lot of separate things together."

Vicki: "Bring a boy or girl or dog or cat, whatever you're sleeping with."

Cath: "If you can get in touch, can you do Debs?."

Chirpy (while standing on top of Pavey Ark at 650m (2,100ft): "Ee, it's like being on top of a mountain up here."

Chirpy (referring to his t-shirt): "I'm wearing these shorts 'cos my thingy's so long."

Maria: "I like whiskey, it's called Glen something."

Maria: "Isn't it strange how you can get disintoriated."

Ken: "It wasn't my idea, I just suggested it."

Maria: "I'm going to strip off in the car park and I don't give a knickers."

Maria: "When you see this great massive horse come over you, it's frightening."

Chirpy: "When I get to Liverpool I'm going to weld my locking walnuts together."

Mario: "We run around the streets so it keeps us off the streets"

Dave Dixon: "At your age you get even older shortly."

Peter Darke: "I know you're not married but what's your wife called?"

Peter Darke: "He has this system, if his curtains are open he's either in or out."

Vicki: "For God's sake, pull your shorts down."

MTH: "How did you get on at that Strawberry Topping race on Tuesday?"

Ken: "There were these guys from Hungaria.."

Chirpy: "That's the first time I've heard you speechless."

Mario: "I live just around the corner as the crow flies."

Joy: "I do like furry things."

Alison: "Size doesn't matter, I've had some big ones run passed me."

Jill: "Dicka, you look dreamy in the morning."

Debs (PhD in Anatomy): "The penis an the boobs develop from the same structure."

Alison: "I'll be sharing a tent with Joy but I'll be doing it with a man."

Chirpy: "Malcolm's just said that but he couldn't say it."

Val: "If anyone wants an easy night they can come with me."

Chirpy: "Malcolm's just said that but he couldn't say it."

Chirpy: "I can remember his name but I can't."

Alison: "I fancy doing it upside down."

Vicki: "I would do it but I wouldn't wear a bra and knickers."

Steve Ramsden: "I was never cold all the way round, I had hypothermia when I finished but I was still warm."

Joy: "I always know where I'm going sometimes."

Joy: "I'll be on my back in a minute."

Joy: "I knew Wenceslas Square was in Russia but it wasn't."

Alison: "There's nothing going on between Paul O'Neill and Joy, he was with me. It's Ian Maxwell that took Joy to bed."

Alison: "Let's do it on the bus, Terry, it'll give us something to do."

Joy: "Time is creeping over quite fast."

Joy: "Anthony, I came after you."

Alison: "I'm going to go down as Santa, jump in, then take all my clothes off on the beach."

Jill (to Dicka): "You make everyone come."

Joy: "She walked to the Roly Hosary church."

Joy: "Ooh, this is a proper park, there's bushy bits."

Alison: "I'll just wear clothes, then."

Laura: "Kath's got a man's one."

Big Lynne: "Me knickers are soaking."

Terry: "When are the Tuesday fell races?"

Joy: "I never question anything, do I?"

Joy: "I had to pull my t-shirt up to get in."

Alison: "I do your bum."

Alison: "It's only 'cos I can't get it out with my throat."

Jill (to 4 men in a pub): "I haven't got a husband there so you can all come back."

Alison: "If I was a woman .. ."

Joy: "I'm ready, I just need to put my clothes on."

Chirpy: "He's going blind, you can see that."

Alyson Dalton: "I used to run for Tynedale in the early thirties."

Jon Kisler: "I ran 72: 60 for Tynedale."

Paul Jackson: "Our Chris was only little when he was small."

Moyra: "I used to ride Mark's chopper when he was at boarding school."

Moyra: "Melanie turned into a lesbian and I slept with her once."

Joy: "I couldn't tell the difference in taste but that one had a nicer taste."

Vicki (eplaining why she was wearing jewellery to work): "I was interviewing for a new male member."

Joy: "How old was Darwin when he was born?"

Dave Dixon: "At the Stadium pies are £3 a pint."

Dave Dixon: "The pies they don't sell, they put them in the freezer and resell them."

Angelo: "The week after that I'm away for 10 days."

Joy: "Wasn't he somebody's son?"

Lois: "I'm not from Boldon, I just live there."

Dave Dixon: "Alyson has spent half her life in Birmingham in the last 2 weeks."

Brian Hodgson: "It was sponsored by the sponsors."

Jenny: "The only time I get any service is in my bedroom."

Jenny: "I'm not excluding anybody, just him."

Dave Dixon: "It was 2 girls and a lass."

Joy (On the way back from Debs' and Liam's wedding): "Did you get any pictures of Diam and Lemon?"

Joy: "The sawfly is the same family as the wees and bosps."

Chirpy: "I didn't know the final score until the end."

Joy: "I can see why blind people bump into things."

Mick Rennison: "It's quite a flat course down hill."

Ashleigh: "Vicki, Vicki! Take him up the other end!"

Ali P.(to Ken)"I will only take you one way."

Ali P."I've been really naughty tonight, I had a ride with Malcolm and Terry."

Derek Dixon."That screen shows 4-4 but this one shows a draw."

Alyson West: "Whose towel did I wee on at Blaydon?"

Dawn: "Idon't know what hurt the most, me foot or me fairy."

Jill (to Woody): "You're allowed to poke me, that's fine."

Ali P.: "Do you know when the white stuff comes out around your mouth?"